Don’t Wake Virginia

Thanks to the caterwauling of Usual Suspects —

I might finally get some justice for a wrong committed more than 20 years ago… Anyone who has experienced any similar harm and/or deprivation of a Safe Space should probably contact helpeducation@governor.virginia.gov to see if they can help right such past wrongs…

…….

Hello,

I was heartened to read that you have undertaken the very necessary idea of dealing with “educators” who teach using subversive or otherwise un-American materials. I would like to thank you for providing this valuable service to real Americans.

This may potentially be beyond your purview, but at this point — you might be my only hope for remediation I require to achieve a Safe Space. At minimum, perhaps the Commonwealth can provide the validation I require as Straight White Male (hereafter, “Real American”) to ensure that I’m not forced to consider elements of society and history that make me uncomfortable.

You see, more than 20 years ago — I was forced by a social justice warrior to not only *read* — but also write a paper — on Toni Morrison’s allegedly acclaimed novel, “Beloved”. I understand from your governor’s campaign that this is a clear and obvious example of Woke CRT, which we all know is a clear and present danger to children reading stupid tedious Hawthorne over and over again as we all know they should. If an education in literature requires more effort than seeking out 2nd hand Cliff Notes on tired Faulkner or purchasing one of the one variety of Shakespeare papers on the market, then I think you would agree that we are lost as a civilization.

As a wise man once said, if it hasn’t been the basis of a Reality TV series on TLC, is it really “literature”?

Being a Real American, and one in his late 40s, I have suffered a lifetime of such ignominies. Rather than focusing on Hamlet or Julius Caesar, I had to read Othello — which, as you may be aware, involves a black man protagonist. Rather than Margaret Mitchell’s Gone With the Wind, I was forced to read nonsense like Stephen Crane’s Red Badge of Courage — which, as you may know, is totally lacking in the description of happy slaves. If this slide into subversive literature and history isn’t stopped now — I fear that future generations might have to read Natashia Deón’s Grace rather than Zane Grey. Can you imagine a worse fate?

But, I’m getting ahead of myself. I certainly understand that your scope is limited and that you only wish to put a stop to this nefarious and insidious tendency whereby the natural course of history and culture is not predicated upon, examined through, and otherwise told through the eyes of Real Americans like myself.

So, back to my reason for writing to you. At some point in the 90s during my college education — I took a course on modern literature. Some of the works on the course list were OK — despite it’s subconsciously (or at least, neutral) anti-Nazi stance, I suppose I can see value in teaching Don Delillo’s White Noise. But… Morrison’s Beloved.

Beyond being forced to read it, my paper received a C+. This is in spite of the fact that my revisions took heed of then-predominant PC culture (which is what we used to call “woke”) and totally excised the 1.5 pages where I expounded the black female tendency to believe in ghosts. Despite my 2 AM efforts to use words like “symbolism” and whatnot, the obviously Woke professor gave me C+ and worse, had the temerity to describe my effort as derivative and superficial.

“Derivative and superficial”…. me… a Real American?!?! Can you imagine? That’s beyond the fact that the material itself I was forced to read was so wholly un-American (and un-Real American). And the fact that this judgment deprived me of a Safe Space.

Consequently, as a part of your efforts to correct ongoing wrongs, I hope you will consider revising this travesty. As I mentioned, I realize the original grade was delivered in a school that falls outside your jurisdiction. However, I think it would be a strong message if you were to bestow upon me an ‘A’ for this paper. Or, alternately, I would be willing to submit a substitute paper covering any George RR Martin novel or Leave it to Beaver episode of your choosing.

I leave it to your learned judgment as to what institution should confer this appropriate ‘A’. As a Real American, I am used to receiving the scraps of recognition that remain available to the Straight White Male. A state proclamation would be sufficient, or barring that, one from UVA.

Thank you for your consideration